Mums - Put Bub First but Don't Put Yourself Last! Mums Are Wonderful! is now in book stores for $16.95.
Natalie Green and son Kai.By Natalie Green
Martyrdom is so last century. I am of the firm belief that just because we choose to put our children first, we don't have to put ourselves last. Undeniably, we have a responsibility to provide for our kids – food, shelter, clothing, the best love money can’t buy - and help them learn to be good people and to interact harmoniously with the world. But as parents and role models, our state of mind and the regard with which we hold ourselves has a great bearing - not only on our relationship with our babies, but on the example we set for them to follow.
So, when we are faced with the trials of parenthood, we should never lose sight that we count too - for our own good and for our children’s.
Dear Natalie, I have a two and a half year old and a one year old, and tantrums happen quite often while we are out at the shops. When they start I feel like I need to stop my children crying immediately because they are annoying other people, and I often end up bribing them with chocolate or lollies in order to calm them down. Then I get disapproving looks from other women. By the time I have finished food shopping, half the contents in my trolley are open because they have been used as a tantrum preventer. Leaving the children with my husband when I do food shopping is not an option - he is in the defence force and is away most of the time. How do I handle tantrums without resorting to bribes?
Rachael.
Rachael, wouldn’t you just love to - every now and then - be able to adopt that toddler mindset again and express every emotion you had at the exact moment it took hold of you? All over the world, it would be commonplace to see parents and their children side by side on the ground, both throwing tantrums – the child because he was denied the latest Wiggles DVD and his mum because her son was making a scene! Child behaviour experts advise parents handle tantrums by remaining calm, maintaining an even tone of voice and making eye contact. Try to distract the child and diffuse their hysteria, or pre-empt the situation by tempting them with rewards for good shopping behaviour (rather than rewarding the bad behaviour). As for annoying other people, remember that most people understand. If they are parents too, I guarantee they’re on you’re side. If they’re not on your side, why be on theirs? Focus on doing what you can to get past the tantrums and don’t worry about anyone else.
Hi there, I was recently strolling through Target with my three year old boy and one year old daughter. We passed another lady and her young children in the aisle. I smiled into her pram, admiring her baby girl and she was checking out my daughter when my boy says to her boy his age: "you fag!” I could have died from embarrassment. I just had to tell my little man off for saying it and keep walking. I did laugh about this when telling my hubby later on. My 10 year old stepson has obviously been teaching his little brother naughty words!
Cheers, Wendy.
Don’t kids say the darndest things, Wendy! It may help to think of your toddlers as you would your old partying cronies after one tipple too many: loud, spirited, prone to emotional or offensive outbursts… and likely to fall asleep at the most inopportune moments. Cast your mind back; remember the best way to handle people when they’re like this is to ignore the random comments. Reacting only encourages them. (It might be an idea to have a quiet word with his big brother though!)
Heya, I am 23 years old and have a beautiful little 20 month old boy. Recently his Dad and I split up and we are now living separately. My son is finding this hard and has started to chuck tantrums and become very clingy. I would happily move back in with his dad to make my little boy happy but my ex doesn’t want this. I was the one who moved out so he is putting all the blame on me by saying that I walked out on my family so why should he take me back. How do I help my little boy understand and make it as easy for him as possible? I have no problems with his dad seeing his son I would never stop him but my son is getting confused with one day being with his dad and the next with me.
Thanks, Renee.
From the day they’re born, our primary responsibility to our offspring is to never drop the ball. We have to protect them from everything… from busy roads; exposure to violence; an unhealthy diet; Goth music… it never stops. Renee, there’s obviously a lot going on and that’s gone on between you and your husband. It sounds like you need to work out the past, present and future of your relationship – and resolve things as quickly and painlessly as possible. Even more importantly, it’s your job to look out for your son– because no one else will. You are his last line of defence. He can’t go down with the ship.
Being vigilant is half the battle Renee, and your awareness of the effect the changes in your family are having on your son demonstrates your love and concern. It’s a good start. The second best thing you can do for Max is to look after yourself. Take advantage of support organisations that offer family relationships counselling and support. Don’t do it all alone.
Mums out there who need extra help sharing the load during tough times can contact Family Services Australia http://www.fsa.org.au/.
Natalie Green wrote Mums Are Wonderful! to inspire, reassure and celebrate mums coming to terms with life with a newborn. It was especially created for the new parent who hasn't the time or concentration span to read more than 20-30 words in one sitting. Each page is offset beautifully with the photography of Newcastle's Vanessa Petri. The photographs capture everything adorable and quirky about little babies.
is now in book stores for $16.95. is now in book stores for $16.95. is now in book stores for $16.95. is now in book stores for $16.95.
